Her car was very clean, unlike some women nowadays who like to decorate their cars with dolls or ornaments. In that respect, she's very similar to me.
"Are you very tired?" she asked.
"No," I answered.
I've noticed you've been rubbing your temples the whole time.
"Oh, my eyes are a little sore."
We remained silent the entire way.
I'm home. I opened the door and got out of the car.
"Aren't you going to invite me up for a bit?" Zhang Sijia asked me, sticking her head out of the car window.
Oh no, I completely forgot.
“Of course,” I said to her with a smile.
I opened the car door and handed her the keys. "I'll park the car for you. You go up and wait for me."
"Okay." She smiled enticingly.
I kissed her cheek after she got out of the car.
You look beautiful tonight.
Her face flushed slightly.
Anqi
As soon as I entered the office, the family members of patient in bed 58 were already waiting inside.
"Doctor, what...what should we do? Is there any other way?"
I asked the wife in bed 58 to sit down, while her son stood quietly to the side listening. In his eyes, I saw one word: miracle.
He hoped for a miracle to save his father.
I am not a god, I am a human being. I am just an ordinary doctor who can treat illnesses but cannot save lives.
“We…we have money…can we continue his chemotherapy if we don’t give up on treatment?” asked the wife of patient in bed 58.
“His body won’t hold up for much longer; chemotherapy will only hasten his death…” I didn’t finish my sentence before his wife and son burst into tears. I was already numb; this wasn’t my first time being an “executioner.”
"Palliative care," I said, "is used for patients with advanced cancer who have no curative response and a limited life expectancy."
Fear was evident in their eyes; they couldn't understand how the doctor could say such a thing.
"Relieve his suffering from the illness and prolong his life," I said coldly.
"Isn't there any other way?" his wife asked me.
"Doctor, is surgery possible?" his son asked me.
"No, he has nothing left to open."
"Is there really no other way?" his wife asked me.
"I can only use medication to stop his pain."
The mother and son could no longer contain their grief and began to cry in my office. I took out some tissues from my desk and handed them to them.
"Can he take any supplements?"
"I will give him an injection of nutrients."
"Is a liquid diet okay?" his wife asked, unwilling to give up.
"If he has an appetite."
I don't need to be too explicit anymore; I have late-stage stomach cancer and I vomit everything I eat.
"Is it possible that my dad will never wake up again after he received the painkiller injection?"
This is a frightening question.
"No, just to alleviate his pain."
How much longer can he hold out?
"At most one month."
"He's doing very well after the surgery, it's only been a year, really, he's doing very well after the surgery."
I know I was the one who operated on him. It was too late; by the time he arrived, it was too late. The last surgery was just to prolong his life a little longer.
He was in very good health; if he hadn't gotten this disease, he could have lived to be a hundred.
Zhang Qian
The invincible Zhang Jiahui didn't go to kindergarten the next day, so I naturally became his babysitter. Grandpa is too old to look after the child alone. My perfect attendance bonus for this month is definitely going to be docked, but oh well, I don't care about the money, my son is the most important.
The education of children is truly a major headache for parents. Take my family, for example; I absolutely do not approve of hitting children. But sometimes the children, especially the little boys, misbehave. We discipline them, they correct themselves, then they do it again. We discipline them again, they correct themselves again, and they do it again. Sometimes, when I get really angry, I'll raise my hand as if to hit them. I don't really intend to hit them, and even if I did, I would know my limits and wouldn't kill them. My purpose is just to scare them. But someone doesn't like that—my grandfather.
Every time I raise my voice or speak harshly to Dongdong, this old man immediately rushes over, without even using his cane. He says that if I dare to touch Dongdong, he will sever our relationship, and in more extreme cases, he'll hug Dongdong and burst into tears. You can't try to comfort him; if you do, he'll cry even harder. He'll start by talking about my pregnancy, saying what sins I committed in my past life to have such a spendthrift grandson like me, and how I'm suffering in my old age. After talking about my pregnancy, he'll talk about how he took care of me during my pregnancy. After that, he'll talk about how he took care of me during my postpartum period, even during my two-month confinement. Okay, he'll say all that, and then there's more. He'll say how much he loved Dongdong from the moment he was born, how much he couldn't bear to part with him. Now he's been killed by me, his heartless mother, and he'd rather jump off the building with Dongdong in his arms than be killed by me, his ungrateful mother. In more serious cases, he'll even demand that I immediately prepare tinfoil and joss paper to burn for them at this time next year.
Therefore, based on the above points, I never lay a hand on Dongdong. Occasionally, just occasionally, I would touch him a couple of times when Grandpa wasn't around.
It's one thing for kids to be naughty; I was naughty too when I was little. Dongdong sometimes asks really strange questions, and Grandpa just listens as if it's fun. None of the "answers" he gives Dongdong are serious. I worry that the child is too young to understand and might be misled by these "answers."
Just like now, he lies in bed, feeling utterly weak, yet his little mouth remains as nimble as ever.
"Mother!"
"Um?"
What's the difference between a maternal grandfather and a paternal grandfather?
My heart skipped a beat because my family situation is a bit unusual; my child is often confused about the terms used to address certain elders. He should call my grandfather "great-grandfather" and my father "maternal grandfather." But he couldn't understand why he called my father "maternal grandfather" while my grandfather became "great-grandfather" instead of "great-maternal grandfather." This question stumped me too. All I could do was explain the difference between "maternal grandfather" and "paternal grandfather." "Maternal grandfather" is my mother's father, while "paternal grandfather" is my father's father—it's that simple.
Someone else has quit. Yes, it's my grandfather again.
"There's no difference, they're all men!" That's how my grandfather taught my son.
I understand Grandpa's good intentions; he didn't want Dongdong to be exposed to this issue too early. Avoiding the problem isn't the best way to solve it, but it is the best way to delay it.
The little guy is a walking encyclopedia of questions; anytime, anywhere, regardless of the occasion, you have to answer his questions whenever he asks them.
"Mom, why do we call Grandpa 'Grandpa'? Is Grandpa the same as the father-in-law in the outside world?"
Look, another strange question! I wouldn't have asked such a stupid question when I was a kid.
"Yes, Grandpa is the old man outside." I still learned Grandpa's way of dealing with problems.
"wrong!"
"What?"
"You can't call your father-in-law 'grandfather'!"
A strange theory.
"Why?"
"Grandpa said that all fathers-in-law don't have penises!"
Oh my god. He's only five years old, what does he know? Does he think he can discuss this with me now?
I stormed up to the sofa and asked Grandpa...
"How can you talk to a child like that? How can you educate him like that? What do you usually talk to him about?"
"Oh," Grandpa took a sip of water from the teapot. "I'll tell him history."
"Why are you talking about history? Why bring this up?"
“I told him the true story of Wei Zhongxian.”
See, it's not surprising anymore.
Anqi
Bed number 58 will now begin pain management for late-stage cancer, which I prefer not to call palliative care. Starting from the second phase, he will take a fixed dose of oral analgesics. Painkillers are addictive and cannot be overdosed at once. To prolong his life, I performed a pain test on him. Currently, his pain is moderate to severe. I will give him a fixed dose of weak opioid tramadol extended-release tablets daily, along with a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug (NSAID) and adjuvant analgesics. This is moderate to severe pain management. The advantages are convenient oral administration, long-term use, and suitability for most patients. The only disadvantage is the blood drug concentration; the patient will still experience pain before reaching a certain level. For initial medication, if rapid pain relief is desired, long-acting controlled-release formulations such as morphine sulfate controlled-release tablets (such as Mescontin) should be chosen. His condition is currently moderate to severe, and he can still tolerate the pain. I will not immediately administer strong opioid analgesics like morphine. These are only used for severe cancer pain.
I instructed the nurses to give him his medication on time, not just when he was in pain. His wife and son stayed by his side the whole time. They told him a white lie, saying that his cancer was under control and that the current medication was only helping to manage the cancer.
I could see in his eyes that he understood the purpose of all this, and he had some understanding of his own illness. Now he lived entirely for his wife and son, because every moment he lived would be filled with immense suffering.
I went to the hospital cafeteria at noon. I didn't have much of an appetite; I'm never picky about food, as long as it fills my stomach.
"An'an!"
Standing behind me is a myna bird named Hu Lu.
"You look good," he teased me with amusement.
"Um."
"Did you use my urology treasure?"
Spring hasn't even arrived yet, and it's clear that the myna bird beside me won't live to see the rapeseed flowers bloom.
"Come to my office sometime when you have time."
"Why?" he asked.
"Let me check if you have a tumor in your brain." They were just as good at teasing me.
He talked to himself for a while, but I didn't really listen. I'll make the most of my limited lunch break to rest. I must be fully alert and energetic when I'm at work.
"An'an, why are your clothes dirty?" Hu Lu pointed to the large gown on my body.
Looking down, I realized it was the last kick from yesterday's soccer prodigy that had landed on me.
"Didn't you take it back for your wife to wash?"