Un cœur pur dans un pot de jade

Chapitre 19

He nodded, his face once again displaying that expression of knowing everything yet being almost desperate with self-doubt. He slowly turned around and wrote on the table: If one day I become that kind of person…

Then he withdrew his hand, unable to continue writing.

The light water stains on the table dried little by little in the wind. The savage stared blankly at the few words that had long since disappeared, then lowered his head, and soft, delicate strands of hair all slipped down from his ears.

“Savage…” I moved a chair closer to him. “What are you afraid of? Why don’t you just tell me? I’m your strategist. I’ll help you plan your life and help you find your goals. You have to trust me. How can you not trust me?!”

The savage turned around, and before I could see his expression clearly, he pulled me into his arms with the force that would break two of my ribs. This was something that had never happened before. Apart from the accident when we first met, the savage had never held me so tightly without any control. He was trembling in waves. I didn't understand what he was afraid of.

This fear has been there from the beginning. It was dormant when we were in the valley, but it was brought out when we came out of the valley. Now it has reached the stage of eruption. I am very clear in my heart that if I don't take this problem seriously and face it, the wild man will eventually drift further and further away from me. I don't want the wild man to turn back into a wild man. I don't want to go back to the valley with him to eat and wear leaves, nor do I want the wild man to go crazy and recognize Sheng Huan as everyone he sees.

But if he recognizes everyone as Sun Qingshan, that might be a good thing.

“Listen to me…” I slowly patted the savage’s back. His breathing was heavy and his heart was pounding. He tightened his arms around me, and I winced in pain behind his face.

"Savage..." Before I could say anything, he let go of my hand, his eyes red, as if he hadn't slept well.

I felt my temper was reaching its breaking point again. If the savage didn't confess soon, I wondered if I would resort to torture. However, some things can't be rushed. This savage couldn't be beaten, forced, or coaxed, but he could be bullied.

What exactly am I doing? Educating people?

After thinking for a moment, I dipped my finger into the tea in my cup and wrote on the table: I ask you, what is the most important thing in a relationship?

After I finished writing, I looked at him. He opened his big pink eyes and looked at me with a puzzled expression.

So I lunged forward—ouch, excruciating pain! Our noses collided. Luckily, I didn't listen to my dad and get rhinoplasty, otherwise, bumping into each other like this every now and then would have ruined my nose, which would have been a real waste of money.

"It's about distance! The most important thing in a relationship is distance!" I put my arm around the wild man's neck and answered my question. I saw him frown slightly, and my lips were almost touching his face. I looked up at him, grabbed his hands, and stopped him from reaching up to rub my nose.

“Wild Man…” I called him again in a muffled voice, my nose throbbing and my eyes welling up with tears. This was exactly the effect I was aiming for—“Two people are so close, yet feel they are drifting further apart; so far apart, yet feel surrounded by love… Wild Man,” I wrapped myself tightly around him, “If you let me choose, I would choose the ends of the earth over what is right next to me… I know very well, I know you need time to adjust to me, and I know that being with me has always been a struggle for you. Sun Qingshan isn’t the most special person in your life, but the only person you met at first sight. So I understand that from beginning to end, you had no other choice but to be forced to choose me—don’t move around!” I glared at him and yelled, “I haven’t finished speaking yet!”

The savage dared not move again. I softened my voice, composed myself, and continued slowly, "Savage, in truth, lovers inevitably brush past each other, grow distant, and then slowly draw closer again… I think we've probably been too close, so it's time to part ways—but it's alright, believe me, I'll wait for you, one year, two years, three years… five years, ten years, fifty years… Don't worry, I'll have no complaints. Even if you ask me to wait for you for eternity, I will wait until the day you open your arms and accept me again! So… I'm leaving now. Don't worry, I'll miss you, I…"

Before I could finish speaking, the savage bit me hard across the face—finally, he succeeded! I collapsed; if he hadn't bitten me soon, I reckon I would have ended up laughing.

The most sensitive part of my spine, the savage wrote while kissing me: Is it true?

As I nibbled on him, I asked back, "What do you mean, really?"

He wrote again as he read: You're leaving...

As I positioned my tongue, my lips trembled: "You forced me to..."

He suddenly stopped entangled with my tongue, stopped moving, and slowly released me, creating distance. The savage's expression became solemn and serious, staring intently at me—"Sun, Qing, Shan," he asked slowly, enunciating each word, "What, next, will you, do?"

"What's next?" I didn't understand.

“Two people—brush past each other—open the distance—slowly, slowly, approach—” He opened his mouth, making the sound of air exchanging, but there was no sound of his voice. “What’s next?” he asked.

"Next is..." I thought for a moment, then rushed forward and hugged him tightly, "Next is, of course, like us, with hearts connected and no distance between us!"

...

Regarding the wild man's psychological issues, although I feel helpless, I have to admit that it is indeed a problem, and it is related to his memories.

I don't know when he started to panic. One day, he imagined himself before he lost his memory as a wicked villain, which gave him a reason to continue imagining things. In the end, the savage imagined that one day he would turn bad again, or that he would harm me for his own sake.

I shook my head helplessly. It must have been so hard for this wild man to become a man. He was so sensitive that it was almost pathological. I know he meant well, but sometimes I really couldn't understand what he was thinking.

It was still the second floor of the Xiaoxiaoxiao Teahouse, with a breeze blowing through the window and the sun shining gently.

As I peeled and munched on chestnuts, I watched the wild man hunched over his desk, pen in hand. On a sheet of A4 paper, he solemnly wrote in authentic small seal script: "I hereby solemnly swear that from this day forward, I will never have any wild thoughts, never cause trouble for no reason, never make things difficult for Sun Qingshan, never force a smile, never slander myself, never easily despair, never betray, never deceive, never break my promise... and never be late."

"Very good." I swallowed a sip of tea. "Press your handprint."

The savage put his finger to his mouth as if to bite it—"What are you doing?!" I immediately jumped up and hit him on the head, "One more thing, never hurt yourself!"

The savage nodded, then added a line of smaller characters, before turning to look at me.

"Yes, put your hand out."

He obediently reached out his hand.

"Pen."

He handed me the ballpoint pen.

I took his hand and used a ballpoint pen to completely blacken his index finger. "Press it," I said, handing his hand back to him.

He solemnly pressed his fingerprint next to his signature, and I grinned, wanting to pat his head and say, "What a good boy..."

However, the savage handed me the paper. "What for?" I didn't understand.

He pointed to the leftmost line on the paper, which read: "Sun Qingshan solemnly swears that from this day forward, he will no longer meddle in other people's business, no longer put himself in danger, no longer cause the savages to worry, no longer sigh and complain, and no longer blame himself."

"I won't sign!" I said stubbornly, handing the paper back to the savage. "The idea was mine. Sign it yourself, I'm not signing!"

The savage held the paper, looking helpless, but he didn't put it down and kept staring straight at me, as if he was determined to persist and not give up until he got what he wanted.

"What are you doing?" I sighed and vigorously rubbed the wild man's face with my hands that had just peeled chestnuts, making a mess of his face.

He sighed, put the paper back on the table, and when he turned around, he snatched my pen without my consent and also grabbed one of my hands. I tried to pry it off with my other hand, but he was very strong and treated it as if I was just tickling him.

The savage grabbed my hand and smeared my fingers with black ink, just like I had done to him. Then, despite my shouting and refusing to comply, he resolutely disobeyed my wishes and stamped his "Five No's" next to my hand—mission accomplished.

"You savage!" The savage released me, and I smeared all the ink from my fingers onto his face, but he grabbed both of my hands with a single movement. Then we faced each other, and the sunlight shone on half of his face, leaving the other half in shadow. His expression slowly turned serious.

“A lifetime.” I watched him enunciate each word with absolute certainty.

I nodded involuntarily. The savage's face was already a mess from my smearing, but he finally turned back into a savage. He looked at me quietly, his eyes clear and firm, his lips slightly upturned. He didn't smile, but he looked very real.

Throughout my life, I can't help but wonder, is it really possible to maintain a deep connection of hearts without any distance?

The savage leaned forward, the halo of light making half my face feel hot. He first kissed my eyebrows, then my eyes. He reached out and gently pulled me into his arms. I felt that not only the sunlight made me feel comfortable all over, but being with the savage was the root of my comfort.

However, I was too young and inexperienced—although this was a relatively strategic issue, it was only much later that I finally understood what a sincere oath meant. The savage's oath was not finished; he left the other half in his heart. I shouldn't have made him take the oath, as he was so resolute towards himself and others; it would have trapped him.

Major depression

"Why do you think you're a bad person?" I asked when I was bored.

The savage replied: Even if you have no memory, no one knows better than yourself what you are thinking.

"You rusty savage head!!" I glared at him and punched his head. "Since no one knows you better than yourself, it means you know exactly what you're doing. You can't possibly not recognize me, Sun Qingshan, and you can even fly out of my Five Finger Mountain—I'm telling you, Valley Savage, I am your dearest, dearest, dearest Sun Qingshan. Do you dare to harm me? Even if you had ten lives, would you dare to harm me??"

The savage raised an eyebrow and slowly wrote: "Human hearts are separated by flesh."

"If you keep talking nonsense—" I raised my hand, "I'll really hit you!!"

He leaned in, took my hand, kissed my cheek, and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"On the street!" I quickly pushed the person away. Although I'm not afraid of being seen, I don't like being stared at like a bastard. It's like whenever I go to crowded places, I can't escape a few people talking about me wearing men's clothes. What I wear is none of their business. They're really too idle.

The savage released me. The two of us were standing on a wide street, with shops on both sides and vendors selling all kinds of small commodities. People were coming and going, and it was very lively.

But then, the passersby who had been heading in all directions suddenly turned around and surged toward the street corner in one direction, their faces flushed and their excitement palpable.

"What happened?" I stopped a young man who seemed easy to talk to and asked him what had happened.

The young man stopped and pointed forward—"You don't know? The Zhuang family's betrothal gifts were returned yesterday, and this morning the matchmaker brought the engagement and betrothal gifts with them! Ha!" The man laughed, "Guess what? They had them carried out and displayed in the street to dry in the sun! Now, the bride's family won't accept the gifts, but the groom's family won't give up. It's quite a spectacle! Young Master Zhuang himself led a group to the fireworks shop, and everyone followed to join in the fun!"

"A fireworks shop?" I caught a key phrase. "Is the fireworks shop owner getting their daughter married off?"

“That’s right!” The young man was in a hurry to leave, but he meant well. Before leaving, he explained to me, “The fireworks shop owner’s goddaughter is going to marry the third son of Master Zhuang in the east of the city. The engagement letter has been exchanged, and the betrothal gifts and dowry have also been exchanged. These past two days, the matchmaker was supposed to come to urge the bride to get ready. The wedding is in a few days. But who knew that the young lady from the fireworks shop would refuse to marry him? I heard that Master Zhuang is almost going crazy. Matchmakers have been sent one after another, and they’ve almost worn out the threshold of the fireworks shop. Well, today we finally have a good show to watch.”

After the young man finished speaking and left, I looked back at the savage. Because of the prior agreement, I dared not make any rash moves.

At this moment, the wild man nodded to me. He knew that I would not give up until I went to see the excitement. He also knew that I was actually very guilty. No matter what, I was the one who caused what happened by the Dujiangyan that day.

The savage agreed, so I dragged him all the way to the fireworks shop.

Just as the young man had said, the store was bustling with customers, and the long street in front of it was filled with boxes, countless wine bottles, and even a bunch of livestock.

However, the most interesting part was the sixteen-year-old girl who wasn't bad-looking or bad-figured. She was carrying a broom that was taller than a person and ran all the way from the fireworks shop to the street, where she beat her fiancé, the Third Young Master Zhuang, out of the house.

"Get out—!" The young girl, completely disregarding her image under everyone's gaze, her hair disheveled and her eyes flashing with malice, shouted, "My godfather is unconscious now, you've seen what he looks like, and you still want me to marry you? I think you've lost your mind—get out, all of you get out!!!"

"Jinwan..." Dressed in blue, the Third Young Master Zhuang, whose appearance and attire were both outstanding, called out to the little girl in a hesitant voice. His face in the crowd looked like he was about to cry. Everyone sighed, and some young ladies who were secretly watching the commotion even hid behind their backs and wiped away tears for the Third Young Master.

Seeing that the situation was not good, the servants of the matchmaker beside Young Master Zhuang hurriedly stepped forward for their master. However, Miss Jinwan took a big step forward, swept a large broom in her hand, and swept away a large group of people.

"What are you doing?" Young Master Zhuang gestured for his family to leave, then stepped forward to question Jin Wan. "I know about your godfather's affair. Even if you marry me, I would never ask you to abandon her. You agreed to that a few days ago, so why have you gone back on your word?"

The girl from Jinwan stood up with the broom, panting, and put her hands on her waist to make herself look more confident. However, as soon as she opened her mouth, her eyes began to well up with tears, completely losing her composure.

"Godfather... Godfather..." the little girl murmured, "Godfather is dying, and all you're thinking about is making me marry you. You can't be heartless. Even if I don't accept your gift today, even if it's tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, next year, or ten years later—I still won't marry you. I won't marry you, I won't marry you, I just won't marry you!!!" The little girl was still a little girl, and she shouted loudly in the street.

Those around sighed in pity: "That Xu Yi sorcerer is probably really finished. Poor young lady, he only has this one relative..."

Some people were quick to kick someone when they were down, saying, "Hmph, that Xu Yi sorcerer must have done all sorts of evil things. Now he's getting his just desserts. This is the end he deserves!"

Others were digging up secrets: "Have you heard? Xu Yi isn't exactly a peaceful man. He's hiding a beautiful woman in a golden house in Dujiangyan, and he's also having an affair with Xiao Chenchen, the fourth most beautiful woman in the martial arts world. The day his new love and old flame met, oh my god, trouble ensued..."

Another person chimed in: "I heard it was a young woman with quite a history with Xu Yi who started it. She was heartbroken by Xu Yi, so she hired an assassin to kill him. The assassin couldn't kill Xu Yi, so he killed his lover instead. I also heard that the assassin was mute, and his lightness skill and footwork were unparalleled in the world. Even the Second Young Master Nangong praised him highly..."

What the heck?! I almost cried when I heard this, and reached out to pull the savage back, saying, "You've become an assassin."

The savage pulled my hand and slowly wrote: You're famous now too.

I was in a pretty bad mood, but the words "wild man" cheered me up.

"Tell me," I asked, leaning against the savage, "what excuse should I use to apologize to that young lady from Jinwan if I want to find the old man to apologize in person?"

The savage shook his head, grabbed my hand, and wrote: Speak frankly.

"Speak frankly?!" I exclaimed in surprise. "Didn't you see what that young woman looked like just now? If she knew I was the one who caused her godfather's death, wouldn't she have grabbed me by the neck and strangled me to death?!"

The savage didn't react. He stared at me for a while with wide eyes, then finally sighed and wrote on my hand: "Didn't you want to apologize? Are you afraid of people blaming you?"

...

The savage was right. The young girl from Jinwan had driven away the marriage proposal team and was about to close the fireworks shop early when I squeezed forward. When she saw that it was me, I understood in that one look that she knew the role I had played in the whole thing.

But the little girl didn't say anything. She even glanced at me before looking directly at the savage. After a while, she said, "I remember you."

The savage nodded. The little girl seemed to want to say something, but in the end, she didn't. She only said, "Come with me."

When she led me and the savage to the back room of the fireworks shop, I didn't expect that she was going to take the savage's pulse.

After taking the pulse, Miss Jinwan wrote two prescriptions and handed them to the man. Then, after thinking for a moment, she turned around and took out two pieces of paper from a small box on the cabinet. She walked back and handed them to me. When I looked at them, I saw that they were two pieces of paper money.

"this……"

The little girl finally looked at me. "This is what my godfather asked me to give you," she said coldly. "He said he owes you money for your performances and that you saved him once. This money is to repay you, and from now on, we'll be even."

"What?" I asked, puzzled. "Xu Yi doesn't owe me anything, he..."

"Take the money and leave quickly." The girl then said, "I'm very busy and don't have time to entertain you."