She pushed open the iron gate. Han Shu didn't believe her, but he seemed to have no right to stop her. His gaze followed her into the dilapidated courtyard, where lush loquat trees grew against the courtyard wall.
"Wait a minute," Han Shu called out to her, "Give me a few loquat leaves, I've been coughing a lot lately."
Chapter Ten: Let Me Look at You - 1997
Ju Nian went back into the house and brought out an old ladder, leaning it against the loquat tree. Han Shu wanted to say, "Let me do it." She had already climbed up unsteadily. As a gentleman, Han Shu naturally reached out to hold the ladder legs, but Ju Nian didn't appreciate it. She stepped shakily onto the fourth step, seemingly struggling internally for a moment, before saying, "Um, could you please let go of my hand? Your hands are shaking so badly, I don't want to die."
Han Shu was immediately furious and embarrassed. He had initially thought she was deliberately trying to antagonize him, but the genuine fear she showed as she clung tightly to the ladder made him realize he might have actually made things worse, so he awkwardly let go. After he withdrew his offer of help, Xie Junian, incredibly tactless, said "thank you." Hearing her heartfelt thanks, Han Shu almost forgot all the apologies he had accumulated over the years, thinking bitterly, "I hope you fall to your death."
But things didn't go as planned. Although Xie Junian was teetering on the ladder, she miraculously stood firm. She picked a whole bunch for Han Shu. Not to mention using it to boil water to treat his cough, it could even be eaten as a meal to keep him from going hungry for a while.
Han Shu was somewhat suspicious of the underlying meaning of her actions; she didn't want to give him the opportunity to come back for more after she had used him this time. But in his heart, he thought that if this matter wasn't resolved, even if she dug up the tree roots, it wouldn't be over.
As he left, Ju Nian said goodbye. Han Shu once again deeply despised her hypocrisy, because when he walked to the car and turned back, he clearly saw her secretly adding a lock to the iron gate. What goodbye? She definitely hoped never to see him again.
On this side, Xie Junian closed the door and just then heard someone quickly jump back onto the bed. She walked back to the room, passed a room with the door slightly ajar, and pushed the door open. There she saw the little person on the bed in a perfectly sleeping position.
Ju Nian said dismissively to the person on the bed, "Keep pretending, keep pretending."
After a while, the girl indeed got out of bed and followed Ju Nian into the kitchen.
"I saw him, who is he?" Kids these days mature early. By their early teens, they're already at the age where they doubt everything and are starting to have an unusual curiosity about relationships between men and women. Ju Nian thought that compared to them, she was really far behind. When she was in elementary school, she firmly believed that she was the one her mother peed on while using the toilet.
"Hmm?" Ju Nian turned around and glanced at the girl. "Oh, he's alone."
Her answer was essentially a nonsensical statement, clearly failing to satisfy the curiosity of a child about to enter puberty.
“I know he’s a person! Your tugging and pulling is strange, Auntie. We haven’t caused any trouble, have we?”
"There aren't that many troubles for us to get into." Ju Nian smiled. Who did this child inherit from? When she said the word "trouble," there was no fear in her tone, but rather a bit of excitement. She didn't really understand that real troubles weren't the spice of life.
The girl was clearly quite dissatisfied with her aunt's perfunctory attitude. "Auntie, don't lie to me. I'm not an 8-year-old child. I'm 10 years old."
Although Ju Nian didn't know the essential difference between an 8-year-old and a 10-year-old, she decided to answer the question and let the girl go back to bed. "He was just someone I knew before. He got a little excited when he saw our loquat leaves. You know, he's been coughing for a long time."
"But I think you're acting weird."
Why do you say that?
The girl pouted. "Your smile looks fake."
"If you have such strong observation skills when writing essays, I bet your Chinese grades will improve even faster."
"You hate him?"
Ju Nian finally couldn't help but laugh; she was most afraid of children pretending to be adults. "What do you know about hatred?"
“I hate Zhang Li for talking badly about me to the other classmates, and I want to crumple her up. Or you could hate your rag.”
Ju Nian subconsciously looked down; the stove was empty. She hadn't boiled any water at all, and the rag she had intended to use to wipe the table was almost completely crumpled. She threw the rag back onto the cutting board, washed her hands, and said, "Not bad, that's a very creative idea. Here, your milk."
"Auntie, was he your ex-boyfriend?" The girl took the milk and sat on a small stool in the kitchen. Children can be quite gossipy.
"Why are you so interested in a stranger?" Ju Nian sat down next to her.
"Because he's handsome."
The key to the problem finally surfaced: this child was relentless, not because she was afraid of getting into trouble, or because of love or hate, or whether it was genuine or not. It was simply because she thought the other person was handsome.
"Hehe." Ju Nian chuckled dryly, looking at the pair of eyes on the smiling face opposite him that had almost turned into the shape of a heart. "Adults and children really have very different aesthetic views."
“If I had known him before, I definitely wouldn’t have forgotten him, Auntie. Will he come again? Did you tell him that our loquat tree will still bear fruit?”
"Oh, I guess not."
The child, somewhat disappointed, rested his chin on his hand, lost in thought. After a while, he suddenly blurted out, "Auntie, do you think my dad is more handsome than him?"
Ju Nian was used to the fact that no matter what the discussion was about, it would eventually come back to her father. "Of course, your father is very handsome. You're talking like you've never met him."
"No!" The child put down the bottle, his mouth still frothy with milk foam, and exclaimed excitedly, "I'm not talking about Si Nian's dad, I'm talking about my biological dad, the one who gave me life!"
At this point, Ju Nian would rather she continue dwelling on the question of "whether she hates him or not," at least that question was abstract enough for the child, and her answer could also be abstract. Her biggest mistake was trying last year to introduce the child to her parents so they could meet her "in-laws." She thought that after so many years, her parents should be able to forgive her, and the child needed a more normal family atmosphere. As a result, the long-standing stalemate between her and her parents not only remained unchanged, but her elderly, talkative, and tactless mother even revealed in front of the child that her cousin, Xie Sinian, was only the child's adoptive father.
The child was nine years old at the time. Because her parents had not been around since she was a child, she had a special sensitivity to her own background. She was watching cartoons at the time, and she actually understood the meaning of a sentence that was mixed in with the argument.
What surprised Ju Nian even more was that the child didn't cry at the time. Even after returning home, she still had a strange excitement. Perhaps in this girl's heart, she had always hoped that her life would take a turn for the better. Her father wasn't the mysterious and never-present Si Nian's father, and her mother wasn't someone who was already dead. She didn't have to live a lonely life with an ordinary aunt. One day, her young, vibrant, and loving parents would come riding on a rainbow cloud to her side, take her away, and live a happy life from then on. Ju Nian's mother's words perfectly confirmed this vague fantasy, making her feel that all of this was possible, and that her life would take a turn for the better.
From that moment on, the child's intense passion for finding her family never ceased. She constantly inquired about the whereabouts and situation of her biological parents from Ju Nian. Even when Ju Nian repeatedly told her that she didn't know either, she began to fantasize about what her parents looked like. Anyone she liked, any celebrity she admired, or even a cartoon character could be connected to her past. Ju Nian was thoroughly annoyed by these endless and varied questions. If the child hadn't attended a boarding school, she would have turned gray from worrying about these questions long ago.
The most terrifying thing is that, whether it was caused by TV dramas or shoujo manga, one day the child even seriously questioned her, "Auntie, tell me the truth, am I your child? You gave birth to me when you were little, but you didn't dare to admit it, so you said I was adopted by Si Nian's father. You are my mother, right?"
Ju Nian was stunned. She frantically used many photos and words to finally convince the child that she had never given birth before, even though she longed to have such a big baby.
How disappointed the child was! Tears welled in her eyes for a long, long time. Ju Nian pretended not to notice her sobbing under the covers, because she felt utterly helpless in the face of such disappointment. Faced with many bad answers, Ju Nian was willing to give her one that wasn't so terrible. Who hasn't fantasized? When Ju Nian was little, didn't she also fantasize that her real identity was a princess? She put a pea under her mattress, desperately trying to feel for it, and then slept soundly all night, completely unaware of where the pea had rolled off to. How could a real princess be so oblivious?
Are fantasies destined to be shattered?
Fortunately, since then, the frequency of questions about biological parents has decreased significantly. Just as Ju Nian breathed a sigh of relief, Han Shu's appearance today disrupted this peace, bringing her most troublesome question back to the forefront.
“You’re so cute, of course your biological parents can’t be ugly. You think about them, and they think about you too. Maybe one day you can really be reunited.” Ju Nian no longer tries to convince the child that she was born to her cousin Xie Sinian. Perhaps it’s better to let the child create a future for parents who will never appear than to make her accept the fact that her father, Sinian, hasn’t appeared for three years.
The girl seemed to enjoy the compliment, and her attention was finally successfully diverted: "But Zhang Li said I'm not as pretty as her!"
“Zhang Li is just jealous,” Ju Nian said in a very fair and impartial tone. At this time, of course Zhang Li should be wronged.
"I also think Zhang Li isn't pretty, and her mother is quite overweight. Oh, Auntie, there's something I almost forgot. Can I invite Li Xiaomeng and the others over to play tomorrow at noon?"
"Of course." Ju Nian pinched her little cheek. "Wow, Li Xiaomeng is your new friend?"
“Yes, they never played with me before. Many people wanted to play with them, but they looked down on them. Now they've agreed to let me join the four sisters. Li Xiaomeng said she's never been to our house before and really wants to come and see us.”
"Great! What should I prepare for tomorrow?" Ju Nian was genuinely happy. This child had never had many friends, and loneliness was not her intention.
"Buy us potato chips, but remember, not tomato flavor, Li Xiaomeng doesn't like tomato flavor. Also, chocolate, and apples... don't buy them from Uncle Cai's shop, Uncle Cai's shop doesn't have anything good. And, Auntie, can you not tell them I don't know who my parents are?"
Ju Nian lowered her head for a moment, then smiled and said, "I'll do whatever you say, Princess. Oh dear, I should write a shopping list and go shopping for you this afternoon. I'll come back early tomorrow to cook."
"Buy me some pizza, they definitely won't like yours."
"Pizza? No problem, no problem. Oh, right, I need to tidy up the house." Ju Nian was ready to get busy.
"Auntie, I...I have another question."
"Ask away."
"Is it possible that I'm the child you had with that uncle?" The child still clung to the hope of having a handsome father, struggling desperately.
Ju Nian's smile froze on her face. She grabbed the rag again and quickly wiped the stove. Perhaps realizing that the child was still standing there waiting for her answer, she turned around, pointed at the timid-looking child, and said firmly, "Xie Feiming, I'm telling you again, he has absolutely nothing to do with you. I'm sorry."
On Sunday evening, the girl walked home, clutching her badminton racket, tears welling in her eyes. The weather was beautiful that day, even the sunset was a vibrant red, but for her, it was clearly not a beautiful day.
Fei Ming should have had a premonition that morning. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't comb her hair. A hair clip that Aunt Ju Nian had just bought caught a few strands of hair, pulling them painfully. She rummaged through the old wardrobe, looking at all the dresses, but none of them made her look any better. Although she didn't have as many pretty clothes as Li Xiaomeng, she didn't want to look like a gray mouse when her classmates came to visit.
Li Xiaomeng and her two friends arrived a little late. Fei Ming craned her neck and waited for a long time in front of Uncle Cai's small shop before her "honored guest" finally arrived. Just as she was about to lead her classmate home like a proper hostess, disaster struck. Before she could even warn her, Li Xiaomeng stepped into a pile of stray dog excrement in front of Uncle Cai's shop, her pretty pink doll shoes covered in brown filth. Uncle Cai looked apologetic and expressed deep sympathy, but this did nothing to make Li Xiaomeng feel better. Li Xiaomeng took the tissue Fei Ming hurriedly offered, suppressed her nausea, and hastily wiped her shoes clean. With an astonished tone, she said to her classmate, "Thank you, Fei Ming, what kind of awful place do you live in?" Her two friends wanted to laugh but dared not, while Fei Ming looked utterly embarrassed.
Next, unpleasant things happened one after another. First, the classmates quickly lost interest in Fei Ming's empty little yard. No matter how much Fei Ming emphasized it, they didn't find the unremarkable loquat tree interesting. Then, the few of them squeezed into Fei Ming's small room. There was no computer, no new toys, and everything was so bland and boring. Fei Ming tried hard to tell some jokes to make her friends happy, but she found that her helplessness was already funny enough.
They had agreed to have lunch at her house, and the girls counted down the time, waiting idly for noon to arrive. Fei Ming had said that soon her aunt would bring them lots and lots of delicious food. Despite this, Li Xiaomeng, the most influential girl in the class, couldn't help but show her restrained impatience. Although she didn't say anything, her listless expression made Fei Ming realize she had done something foolish. Her house really didn't have anything fun to do, and she had wasted a precious weekend morning for her classmates. To make things seem less boring, she rummaged through drawers and found the family photo album. The girls passed it around, and Fei Ming, perking up, explained the story behind each photo.
Most of the photos in the album are of Fei Ming herself. She has loved taking pictures since she was a child and can pose beautifully in front of the camera. Her aunt carefully collected each photo in chronological order. However, the thick album of individual photos made the other classmates feel aesthetically fatigued and also raised some questions.
"Xie Feiming, why are there no photos of other people in your house? They're all just solo pictures of yourself. How boring! Haven't you ever taken a picture with your parents?"
"Yes, I always hear you talk about your aunt, but why have I never heard you mention your parents?"
"Is there no one else in your family besides your aunt?"
"Of course I have a mom and dad. My dad is a painter, a famous painter, but he's busy all year round. He often travels all over the country, no, the world, to sketch, so he's rarely home." Fei Ming had said this line countless times since he was a child, and he knew it by heart.
"Really? Then why don't you have any paintings by your dad at home?" One classmate seemed skeptical.
"because……"
Before Fei Ming could come up with a good reason, Li Xiaomeng interrupted with a laugh, "Fei Ming, your father is so famous, why does he still let you and your aunt live in a place like this? Does your father really love you?"
"Of course!" Fei Ming closed the photo album and said loudly. Her classmates' doubts hurt her pride. "Of course my dad loves me, a hundred times more than anyone else! This is my aunt's house, not my dad's. I'm just staying here temporarily. My dad will come back to pick me up soon."
"Is it true, Xie Feiming? Could it be that the adults in your family are lying to you? Adults always tell orphans that their parents went to a very far place; that's how it's portrayed on TV."
“You’re the orphan, I’m not. I told you I have a father, and all your fathers are young and very handsome,” Fei Ming retorted angrily, no longer caring about maintaining good relationships with her classmates.
"Since your dad is so handsome, why don't you find a picture to show us?"
"Let's find it!"
Fei Ming, fighting back tears, rushed into Aunt Ju Nian's room, pulled open drawers, opened boxes, and searched angrily. She prayed that she would find something, that she must find something, she couldn't let her classmates laugh at her.
Whether it was a deity in heaven who heard her call or not, Fei Ming found an old photograph, slightly faded, at the very bottom of Aunt Ju Nian's drawer. In the photograph, four young boys and girls dressed in sportswear stood on a simple podium in the schoolyard, each holding a red certificate of honor. It seemed to be a group photo of the winners after a school badminton competition.
The girl standing on the far left, smiling broadly at the camera, is Aunt Ju Nian. Although she looked quite young then, she hadn't changed much except for her hair. To her right was a boy with unusually short hair, also smiling brightly, but his eyes were fixed on the racket in his hand, as if it were his pride. The girl in the middle, like Aunt Ju Nian in her youth, had long hair and a delicate, doll-like face. At first glance, she was even more beautiful and striking than Aunt Ju Nian. Her lips were slightly upturned, and her eyes were fixed straight ahead. Ten-year-old Fei Ming couldn't find the right words to describe that expression. Most importantly, the boy on the far right was leaning slightly to the left, his eyes looking at someone or something to his left. He had a straight nose and beautiful eyes. It was him! Fei Ming was sure it was him.
Clutching the photo, she rushed back to her room like a whirlwind, displaying it to the other three girls like a precious treasure. Pointing to the boy on the far right, she said, "See? This is a picture of my dad when he was young." She was a little afraid that her nose would grow long like Pinocchio's when he was lying.
"Really? Xie Feiming, this is your dad? Wow, he looked so cool when he was young!"
"Actually, Fei Ming is quite good-looking too."
Fei Ming blushed; the feeling of pride overshadowed her guilt for lying.
Li Xiaomeng couldn't help but pick up the photo and examine it closely. "Xie Feiming, your father won awards in badminton when he was a student. No wonder you play so well."
"It's alright."
"Wait, something's not right." Li Xiaomeng turned the photo over, looked at the small print on it, and slowly read: "Xu-Wo-Xiang-Ni-Kan. 1997... Xie Feiming, your father was still a middle school student in 1997, that's too far-fetched, haha, you lie without even thinking!"
"Let me see, let me see." The other two female classmates chimed in. "Yeah, Xie Feiming, you're hilarious. You think you can just pick anyone to be your dad? I bet you don't even have a dad. You big talker."
Fei Ming forcefully pushed them aside, snatched back the photos without a word, but couldn't find the words to console himself.
Just then, the sound of Aunt Ju Nian opening the iron gate came from the courtyard.
"I'm back, and the pizza is back too." Ju Nian walked in carrying a shopping bag in one hand and a pizza in the other, and saw this chaotic scene. Fei Ming, who was smaller than the other three girls, seemed to be about to burst into tears, clutching an old photo tightly in her hand.
Ju Nian paused for a moment, then quickly smiled and said to the children, "I'm so sorry, the bus is a little later than usual after get off work. Come and have something to eat!"
“Auntie, Xie Feiming is lying. She said the person in the photo is her father,” Li Xiaomeng, determined to get to the bottom of it, insisted.
"Really? Let me see." Ju Nian reached for the photo in Fei Ming's hand, but Fei Ming, for some unknown reason, stubbornly refused to let go. Ju Nian smiled and used some force to finally take the now crumpled photo. She looked at it seriously for a while. "Oh dear, it does look a bit like him, but Fei Ming, your dad is a little bit more handsome than the person in the photo... The pizza smells good, it'll get cold soon."
The whole incident was swept under the rug, but the pizza feast wasn't as good as expected. In her haste, Ju Nian only remembered not to buy tomato-flavored fries, but forgot that there were many tomatoes hidden in the pizza toppings. Everyone seemed to have little appetite, and after a few bites, the students said goodbye. Ju Nian tried to persuade them to stay, but Fei Ming kept his lips tightly pursed and remained silent.
After seeing the children off, Ju Nian returned home. Before she even entered the door, she heard Fei Ming crying. She was lying on the table, heartbroken as if the whole world had disappeared.
"Go ahead and curse me, why don't you curse me?" Fei Ming shouted at Fei Ming who was tidying up the table.