Ju Nian lowered her hand, placing it across the child's brows, obscuring her eyes. The girl's thin lips finally bore a familiar mark, as if it were these very lips that had uttered: "No matter where I go, I will remember to say goodbye to you." Goodbye, goodbye, is it really as if it were right before my eyes?
Ju Nian gritted her teeth, yet her tears, heavy and sharp, fell relentlessly. Those tears were like a glimmer of life seeping into parched, cracked earth, instantly swallowed up, yet awakening long-dormant memories, making the unspeakable bitterness impossible to conceal any longer. Ju Nian knelt before the innocent child, weeping silently. She had never cried so freely before. If everything was true, this child was half her calamity, and the other half her soul.
The child sensed something was wrong, tilted her head, and dodged Ju Nian's hand that was covering her eyes.
"Auntie, I'll sing you a song."
The child had clearly misunderstood. Like all the children here, she instinctively longed for an adoptive parent to take her away. In recent days, she had seen many adults coming to choose children; the aunties in the orphanage had said that as long as they were well-behaved, they would have new parents. She had been as well-behaved as possible, but no one had chosen her. She thought the young woman squatting in front of her was also an adoptive parent and awkwardly tried to impress them.
Ju Nian shook his head.
"Auntie, can you take me with you?"
The children in the welfare home, though well-fed and clothed, certainly did not grow up in a warm, flower-filled room, and none of them did not yearn to leave.
Upon hearing this, Ju Nian felt a chill in her heart, finally waking up from the colorful bubble she had created for herself. She believed in intuition and fate, but who said this child was necessarily Wu Yu's flesh and blood? Countless people in the world suffered from the same affliction as her, and how could she be certain that her child had unfortunately inherited these ailments and, by some twist of fate, been sent to her? She wasn't a saint; how could she possibly care for a child? Even if this was truly Wu Yu's daughter, the child also carried the blood of another half she didn't want to be near. Even the biological mother had stopped searching for her child; why should she take on this burden? No, she had already carried far too much for them; why should she pay the price for others' absurdity?
"Really, Auntie?" The child's soft hand touched the tears on Ju Nian's cheek.
Ju Nian flinched as if she'd been electrocuted, then quickly got up and fled.
No, it won't.
All night long, Wu Yu's face, Wu Yu's face, Chen Jiejie's face, and even Han Shu's face kept overlapping in Ju Nian's mind, overlapping into the face of a child. Sometimes it looked like the child from the daytime, sometimes like Wu Yu, sometimes it even looked a bit like herself, sometimes it was a terrifying monster, sometimes it was a pool of filthy blood... She wanted to scream, and waved her hands frantically in the illusion, but she couldn't touch anything.
She woke up panting, sweaty and cold. Pingfeng hadn't returned yet; the darkness of the night was oppressive and lonely. Sitting up, wrapped in the covers, Ju Nian checked her temples, her breathing gradually calming. After a while, she pulled out a copy of last month's local evening newspaper from under her pillow.
Pingfeng had retrieved the newspaper from a customer. In the lower right corner was a small news item with a picture: "Renowned British-based oil painter Xie Sinian will soon hold a solo exhibition in his hometown." He had mentioned this cousin to Pingfeng while in prison. Pingfeng was a thoughtful person.
“Why don’t you go find him? He’s your relative and he’s rich. Maybe you can make a quick buck from him,” Pingfeng said.
At that time, Ju Nian had already found a job at the orphanage. Although the income wasn't high, her life was gradually becoming more stable, so she shook her head. Si Nian's wife had returned, and she was happy, but she didn't go to see her, partly out of fear, and partly because she didn't want to. When they were young, Si Nian's cousin often said she was a spirited girl, and she didn't want a young woman, worn down by life and even burdened with a shameful past, to shatter his memory. Let his memory of his little cousin remain forever that obedient yet mischievous girl. Besides, the peaceful life she wanted was something her cousin couldn't help her with.
Perhaps things are different now. From the moment she saw that child, Jie Nian's life trajectory was destined to change. She also knew that she couldn't pretend that child didn't exist, couldn't leave her alone in the orphanage. For no other reason than that if she could, she wouldn't be Xie Jie Nian today.
Five days later, at his art exhibition, Xie Sinian encountered a timid but smiling young woman—and another small figure peeking out from behind her.
Ju Nian remains grateful to her cousin Xie Sinian; he is the person who has given her the most substantial help in her life, and he asks for nothing in return. Ju Nian's parents had long lost contact with Xie Sinian, and Ju Nian herself hadn't seen her cousin for many years. But Xie Sinian quickly took care of everything for Ju Nian, even exceeding her expectations.
Ju Nian was unmarried and could not legally adopt an orphan. Besides, she secretly didn't want the child to call her "Mom." Xie Sinian said he had married the person he loved, even though she was terminally ill. Due to Xie Sinian's fame and wealth, the adoption process went surprisingly smoothly, and the child quickly changed his surname to "Xie."
Furthermore, after learning about Ju Nian's current situation, Xie Sinian easily bought the small courtyard that Ju Nian's aunt and uncle, who had gone north to do business, had inherited from Lin Henggui, which had seized from Wu Yu, as a place for Ju Nian and the child to settle down. After settling everything, he did not stay long.
And so, Ju Nian returned with the child to the place where Wu Yu was born and raised. Ju Nian told the child that Xie Sinian was originally her father, but he had accidentally lost her before. Now that he had finally found her, he was busy with work and had entrusted Ju Nian, as his aunt, to take care of her.
The child was too young then to understand many things, so there was no reason for him not to believe. A stable life easily covers up the gray traces, and besides, memories before the age of three are inherently vague. It didn't take long for the child to gradually forget his former adoptive parents and life in the orphanage.
To avoid suspicion, Ju Nian resigned from her job at the orphanage and, relying on the sewing skills she had learned in prison, got a job as a shop assistant at her current fabric store. Life seemed to have turned a new page. Ju Nian had once advised Ping Feng to leave that line of work as soon as possible; now it was her turn to repay Ping Feng, and Ping Feng could move in with her. But Ping Feng dismissed this suggestion with a laugh. She said, "This is how my life is. It's not about you repaying me. You owe me several months' rent, but I owe you my life. Just live your own life."
Yes, let's live well. Ju Nian stood with her child in the courtyard strewn with loquat leaves. The past seemed like a fleeting illusion, a dream. The water, shattered by the broken stone, returned to its ancient tranquility, as if nothing had ever happened. She had always been here, always had been. Only the loquat tree that Wu Yu had planted years ago was no longer the same, which easily reminded Ju Nian of Gui Youguang's words.
“There is a loquat tree in the courtyard, which my wife planted in the year she died. Now it grows tall and lush.”
She understood the feeling, the desolation hidden behind the calm.
But why should she be so desolate? Pingfeng had once complained that she was foolish to adopt a child with no blood relation. Besides, it wasn't even certain if the child was a descendant of someone she'd lost; such coincidences were rare. Perhaps her imagination was just a delusion born of Ju Nian's longing. Ju Nian didn't argue; perhaps Pingfeng was right. But she named the child "Fei Ming." Being too clear-headed doesn't necessarily bring happiness. She chose to follow her heart.
The wind blew past the low wall of the garden, casting dappled shadows on the trees. She heard that the loquat tree had already borne fruit. Ju Nian had always lived a solitary life; Wu Yu was the closest she'd ever been, yet he'd never knocked on her door. Now, Ju Nian felt as if he were right there, back, with her and her child, though she couldn't see him.
Ju Nian opened her palm, and the leaf Wu Yu had given her was blown by the wind to the tree roots. Her world had never felt so complete.
She smiled faintly at the empty corner of the wall and closed the courtyard gate.
Chapter Five: An Unexpected Encounter
At the fabric store, Ju Nian always worked diligently, not only because the job supported her and her life outside the home, but also because she felt grateful to the store owner. When she was in a difficult situation, the owner gave her a chance, and more than two years ago, he appointed her as the store manager without mentioning her criminal record.
Ju Nian wasn't born with a love for handicrafts. In her innocent teenage years, she devoted all her time to Wu Yu and her own inner world of daydreams. She only truly began sewing in prison. From clumsy to skilled, day after day, she pedaled the sewing machine, an incredibly tedious and monotonous task. She couldn't pinpoint when it started, but she learned to adapt to the work and even tried to like it, or at least not hate it so much. Only then did those long hours of labor become less unbearable. Perhaps it was because she put her heart into it; despite the mechanical operation on the assembly line, the things she produced were always more refined than others. In a way, this twist of fate is like some relationships in the world—perhaps there was no love at the beginning, but as time went on, there was no other choice, thus giving rise to a sense of helplessness, a way to get through life, and perhaps not so lonely after all?
Ju Nian hadn't thought much about it. While still in prison, she learned to use needle and thread to piece together leftover fabric scraps and make small dolls. She had no teacher, no books or tutorials; she just entertained herself by making and taking apart her work, until finally everyone said her little trinkets were so exquisite they seemed to have a soul. She was happy to give these finished products to Ping Feng, other inmates, and even familiar prison guards, and everyone praised them.
After taking Feiming into her life, Ju Nian would occasionally sew a rag doll for the child. Feiming loved it when she was little, but after starting elementary school, she began to prefer the toys, rag dolls, Barbie dolls, Winnie the Poohs that her classmates bought, and the little things her aunt made. She refused to take them out of the house anymore.
Ju Nian was somewhat aware of her child's little thoughts and wasn't annoyed. She rarely forced Fei Ming to do or not do anything; if he didn't like it, she simply stopped doing it. Within her means, she would also fulfill some of her child's small requests; although life wasn't easy, she could still afford one or two small toys.
Fei Ming would collect all the teddy bears and dolls he bought, arranging them neatly by his bedside, and even giving them names. He'd identify each teddy bear by its buttons and each doll by its unique hairstyle. This habit always reminded Ju Nian of someone; in this little hobby, Fei Ming and he were quite similar, kindred spirits. No wonder the child felt so close to her, and she absurdly insisted that Fei Ming was his child. Whether this was fate or not, Ju Nian rarely thought about it. Not making things difficult for herself was one of her greatest virtues.
That day, Ju Nian was rushing to finish a custom-made set of fabric cushions for a customer, which slightly delayed her departure time. Since becoming the shop manager, she no longer needed to do many of the handicrafts, but she would still do them herself if a customer specifically requested them. By the time she finished, it was already dark. Ju Nian handed over her work to her colleague who was taking over the shift, and before she could even pack up her things, a phone call came in.
"Ju Nian, where are you... at the shop? Hurry, come over here right now." It was Ping Feng's voice on the other end of the phone.
Pingfeng was an impatient person, but she rarely looked for Ju Nian in such a hurry. Her voice was anxious on the phone, and the background was noisy. Ju Nian asked a few questions, but the other party only gave her an address and hung up before she could explain anything.
Worried and disregarding the cost, Ju Nian hailed a taxi and headed towards the address Ping Feng had given her. The area was a well-known bar street in G City, home to numerous pubs, nightclubs, entertainment venues, and bathhouses. As night fell, the hustle and bustle was just beginning, with many vehicles and pedestrians gradually converging on this section.
Following Pingfeng's directions, Ju Nian found the nightclub in no time. She went around the main entrance and found a small alley leading to the path behind the bar street.
Just across the street, less than ten minutes' walk, the darkness here was a world apart from the neon lights that had kept the city awake, like two extremes. Ju Nian had heard Ping Feng talk about places like this before: the same street, two roads in opposite directions, one bustling with activity for those who spend money to have fun, and the other naturally for people like them who "make a living."
Night had completely fallen, and the quiet of the alley made Ju Nian, who was walking, feel uneasy. Just as she was about to make another call to confirm Ping Feng's location, a pair of hands reached out from behind and unexpectedly pulled her.
Ju Nian almost screamed out loud, but luckily she turned around in time and found it was Ping Feng. Pulled into the shadows by Ping Feng, Ju Nian kept her hand on her chest.
"Have some self-respect, okay? Look how scared you are." Pingfeng complained, but she knew what was going on. No matter how well-behaved and timid Ju Nian was, she still went to the appointment without knowing the details after just one phone call. Only a good friend would not do that.
After letting out a long sigh, Ju Nian took a closer look and discovered that Ping Feng was in a disheveled state. Her hair was messy, and the pretty short skirt she had specially worn for "work" had one shoulder strap broken. The already half-concealed outfit revealed even more of her cleavage, and there were also many red and swollen bruises on her fair thighs under the short skirt.
“You…” Ju Nian was so anxious that she couldn’t speak.
Pingfeng turned her head away and waved her hand. "Hey, who took advantage of me? I'm not someone to be bullied. Speaking of which, I was lucky today. I picked up a fat sheep and made a small fortune. Who knew that after I finished and came out, I would run into those bastards and they almost made me suffer."
"Them? Who are they?" Ju Nian asked softly.
Ping Feng explained hastily, "They were originally people who frequented this place."
Ju Nian wasn't stupid; after a brief moment of surprise, she suddenly understood. It turned out that even those in the Pingfeng trade had a "regional mentality," much like taxi drivers. Everyone had their own regular areas, an unspoken understanding, and they rarely competed for each other's livelihoods. Compared to taxi drivers, those in the Pingfeng trade had a stronger sense of regionalism because they typically made a living in a familiar area, and were often subject to a cut from the profits of the local "pimps." These pimps, after receiving their money, often acted as intermediaries or unseen protectors.
Pingfeng didn't used to frequent this area. She said she made a fortune, which naturally meant she had taken away some people's business. She was discovered and suffered a loss.
"And you, why did you have to be so reckless all by yourself?" Ju Nian pulled away the wound that was covered by Ping Feng's hair and frowned.
Pingfeng said, "I didn't do it on purpose. The last customer brought me here, and as soon as he left, I ran into a fat sheep. I figured I might as well take advantage of him."
"Old Fat Sheep? I think you're the Little Fat Sheep Hot Pot, you don't even know you've been boiled and cooked."
Pingfeng chuckled, but the pain from her lip made her hesitate. She said softly, "I was forced into this situation. The debt collectors at home are pressing me hard, and my third son needs to pay his tuition."
Ju Nian didn't continue the conversation. She sighed softly, shrank further into the darkness, and then asked, "So what do you want to do now?"
Pingfeng pulled out a thinly rolled-up banknote from her clothes and stuffed it into Ju Nian's hand. "They recognize me, and I'm afraid we'll run into each other again. If I lose all my money, it'll be a complete waste. You're a new face, so hurry up and leave. I'll come find you tomorrow after I've gotten away."
There's no point in saying more now. Ju Nian looked back at the alley, made even darker by the dim streetlights. In the distance, in another shadowy corner, she could vaguely see a car parked, with a couple entangled beside it. Were they lovers having an affair, or was it a transaction? Who knows?
After telling Pingfeng to "be careful," Ju Nian didn't dare linger and carefully put away the money Pingfeng had entrusted to her for safekeeping. Pingfeng said it was best not to walk the way she came, so Ju Nian quickly walked away in the opposite direction with her head down.
It was probably before the peak business hours, so there weren't many people coming and going, with only one or two cars silently brushing past every now and then. Ju Nian walked on, only able to hear her own heartbeat; she still hadn't managed to muster any more courage. When she inevitably passed by the car parked in the corner, and those figures, she walked even lighter, lowered her head even further, wishing she could turn into a wisp of smoke in the night.
Before she could safely walk past, a muffled thud startled Ju Nian, making her shudder. Her peripheral vision caught a glimpse of figures not far away; the shadows, which had almost merged into one, had separated. But to her astonishment, the pair that had made the noise weren't him and her, but rather him and him.
They argued in hushed tones, and Ju Nian couldn't hear them clearly. She only noticed that the two people in the shadows were impeccably dressed. She wasn't one to meddle in other people's business, and although she was surprised, she quickly looked away after a quick glance, hoping to leave this place of trouble as soon as possible.
Perhaps she had thought things would go too smoothly. Just as she was about to cross the road, a woman's scream startled Ju Nian once again. However, this time she couldn't stay out of it because she recognized the voice as coming from Ping Feng.
Ju Nian turned around and saw Ping Feng fighting with two women and a man, using both hands and feet. She was clearly at a disadvantage. Her hair was being pulled by someone's hand, and she let out a scream that was somewhere between crying and anger. No one responded, no one cared. The punches and kicks landed on her as if there was no sound at all.
Ju Nian had never been one to fight before. Her heart was pounding in her chest, threatening to leap out at any moment. Who would help her? Anyone? Desperate, she looked at the couple—no, the man—but was met with predictable indifference. Ping Feng's piercing sobs stung her ears. Ju Nian gritted her teeth and resolutely ran back the way she came.
She didn't know what she could do. Her hands were empty, and she had nothing to use for leverage. As she got closer, in desperation, she could only shout, "Aren't you afraid of the police?"
Poor thing, she couldn't even deliver this somewhat laughable warning with a confident tone; her voice trembled at the end, and her face was burning hot, as if scalded by boiling water, a mixture of anger and tension on her lips. As soon as she finished speaking, Ju Nian seemed to hear a mocking laugh, not just in one place, but even Ping Feng, caught in the midst of the chaos, gave a bitter laugh.
Just as things seemed to be spiraling out of control, car headlights appeared on the side street perpendicular to the alley, approaching from afar. Those who had been fighting with Pingfeng were probably already feeling guilty; they hadn't found the money, and they'd already taught her a lesson. Seeing the light, their men hesitated. The two women were the first to let go, ready to leave, leaving only the short, sleazy-looking man, who grabbed Pingfeng's arm and shoved her roughly towards the approaching car.
"Pingfeng!"
"ah……"
Ju Nian lunged forward, but it was too late. The already narrow T-junction meant the driver hadn't expected someone to suddenly lunge at the front of his car. Unable to dodge, he collided head-on with Ping Feng. Ju Nian's mind went blank for a moment, then she tightly closed her eyes, refusing to open them again. The memory of the blood made it difficult to breathe. She trembled uncontrollably until she heard a faint groan from Ping Feng.
The groan startled Ju Nian, who rushed over to check. There was no gruesome scene of blood and flesh flying everywhere. Ping Feng lay on the ground, curled up in pain, her body covered in scratches and bruises, but no large-scale bleeding. The black sedan must have been passing by; due to the narrow road, darkness, and the intersection, the car hadn't been going very fast, and its timely braking had saved Ping Feng from being run over by the car in a fit of malicious intent. Even so, the impact was considerable; the moment Ju Nian touched Ping Feng's calf, she groaned even more violently.
Inside the black sedan, it seemed the window was rolled down. Someone leaned out, glanced around, opened the door, stepped out with one foot, then quickly pulled it back. Then the engine roared to life. The driver was apparently trying to reverse and leave in the chaos.
Ju Nian didn't have time to think much and chased after the car, pounding on the window. "You can't leave... don't go... please... at least get her to the hospital."
The car slowly pulled her backward, then forward again; her resistance was futile. However, through the hastily ajar car window, Ju Nian could see the young face of the driver.
Her voice went hoarse as if possessed, and the hand that had been gripping the rearview mirror tightly became light and weak. The face was no longer the same as when she was a child, but one could still see a resemblance to her.
Wang Nian is her younger brother, born of the same mother.
Ju Nian never imagined that she and Wang Nian would meet again at such a crucial juncture. This younger brother, who had taken away her original life at birth, Ju Nian still remembered how he used to cling to her as a child, calling her "sister" in his baby voice. The last time the two siblings met was last year, when Ju Nian tried for the first and only time to bring Fei Ming back to their parents, after nearly ten years of estrangement at their parents' home.
That time, he didn't call Ju Nian "sister" like he always did. Ju Nian saw a similar expression in her brother's eyes to the one her parents had shown her, an expression that clearly said: I feel ashamed because of you.
To this day, Ju Nian cannot honestly recall the awkwardness and indescribable shame she felt when her family's gaze fell upon her; that feeling still makes her face burn and her ears turn red. Therefore, she is utterly at a loss for words in front of Wang Nian. She asks herself, whatever she has done in the past, she has never truly harmed Wang Nian or even her parents, so why does she feel so ashamed and utterly humiliated in their presence? Perhaps the soft armor in her heart can protect her from the venomous hands of strangers, but it cannot protect her from the chilling coldness inflicted by her own family.
"The car belongs to the leader. Are you trying to kill me?" Wang Nian recovered from the shock of being caught off guard faster than her sister, and squeezed out these words through gritted teeth.
Ju Nian immediately let go, and the car slid past her, disappearing like a ghost at the end of the road.
“Damn it! Ju Nian, did you... did you write down the license plate? My money..." Ping Feng didn't understand the connection, and the pain made her voice gradually lower.
"The money's with me. Don't say anything, I'll take you to the hospital." Ju Nian snapped out of her daze, checking on Ping Feng while comforting her. She couldn't reassure herself whether the ambulance would find this place, or whether Ping Feng could manage to walk with her to the intersection.
The blinding xenon headlights made it impossible for her to open her eyes. Ju Nian squatted down beside Ping Feng, one hand half-shading her eyes, watching the car that had been lurking in the shadows slowly drive towards them.
"Get in the car, we're going to the hospital first."
"Is this your way of solving problems? You'd rather send two prostitutes to the hospital than face my issues?"
Ju Nian kept her eyes closed and her mind at ease, trying to stay out of it. Apart from the injured Ping Feng, she was blind and deaf.
With the man's help, Pingfeng, who was gradually losing consciousness, was quickly placed in the car. Ju Nian hesitated for a moment, then got into the car as well, while the other man stayed behind.
As the car started, Ju Nian saw the standing man gently adjust his glasses.
“Very good... Tang Ye.”